HP Forum Archive 18

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WAY OT: programmer's sayings Message #1 Posted by Mike Reed on 24 June 2008, 9:40 a.m. Have been being nostalgic recently... During this, I remembered some of the humorous sayings and aphorisms vis programmers/programming. Was thinking some of youse would likely be able to remember far more of them than I did and could add to the list...? If not, these few might just bring a memory or two and perhaps a smile. The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a soldering iron, a hardware-type with a program patch, and a user with an idea. Applications programming is a race between software engineers, who strive to produce idiot-proof programs, and the Universe which strives to produce bigger idiots; So far the Universe is winning. You can always tell a really good Idea by the enemies it makes. Everything always takes twice as long and costs four times as much as you planned. It's never the technical stuff that gets you in trouble. It's the personalties and the politics. Living with a programmer is easy. All you need is the patience of a saint. You can't do just one thing. When you cannot meet a problem straight forward, you should come at it straight backwards.

Re: WAY OT: programmer's sayings Message #2 Posted by George Bailey (Bedford Falls) on 24 June 2008, 10:15 a.m., in response to message #1 by Mike Reed Nothing to do with programmers - but WAY OT as well: There are two rules: 1. Never divulge all information

Re: WAY OT: programmer's sayings Message #3 Posted by Gerson W. Barbosa on 24 June 2008, 12:32 p.m., in response to message #2 by George Bailey (Bedford Falls) There are 10 kind of programmers: 01. Those who know binary; 10. Those who don't. :-)

Re: WAY OT: programmer's sayings Message #4 Posted by Randy Sloyer on 24 June 2008, 11:09 a.m., in response to message #1 by Mike Reed "Managing programmers is like trying to herd cats" "Beware of software weenies wielding screwdrivers"

Re: WAY OT: programmer's sayings Message #5 Posted by Maximilian Hohmann on 24 June 2008, 12:44 p.m., in response to message #1 by Mike Reed Hello! All of you probably know the classic "Real Programmers don't Eat Quiche" already, but it contains a wealth of programmers sayings: http://www.neurophys.wisc.edu/comp/humor1.html Greetings, Max

Re: WAY OT: programmer's sayings Message #6 Posted by Ken Shaw on 24 June 2008, 1:17 p.m., in response to message #5 by Maximilian Hohmann And then theres' this collection, too, FWIW. http://www.ee.ryerson.ca/~elf/hack/wizardry.html

Re: WAY OT: programmer's sayings Message #7 Posted by Paul Brogger on 24 June 2008, 3:09 p.m., in response to message #1 by Mike Reed One of our unofficial workplace signs reads: Quote: "Give a man a program, and frustrate him for a day. Teach a man to program, and frustrate him for a lifetime." Another: Quote: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? Can't be done -- it's a hardware problem. From the "if I had a dime for each time I heard this one" department: Quote: "Well, I did made a few minor changes to [...], but it CAN'T be that!" One of my bosses used to have the following on his whiteboard to greet people making development requests: - On Time - Under Budget - Documented Choose any two of the above. (The same boss -- back in mainframe days -- would call Operations when the system was down, and ask how many people were standing around the console. He'd multiply that number by 30 minutes for an estimate of total down-time.) And a more generic saying: Quote: Some things shouldn't be examined too closely. Edited: 24 June 2008, 3:23 p.m.

Re: WAY OT: programmer's sayings Message #8 Posted by Marcus von Cube, Germany on 25 June 2008, 10:17 a.m., in response to message #7 by Paul Brogger If you ask a programmer how long whatever is doing will take, get his answer, multiply by three and switch to the next higher unit. This way, an hour translates to 3 days which is not too far off.

OT: The perfect programmer Message #9 Posted by Juergen Keller on 24 June 2008, 6:07 p.m., in response to message #1 by Mike Reed The Perfect Programmer

Re: OT: The perfect programmer Message #10 Posted by Klaus on 25 June 2008, 12:39 a.m., in response to message #9 by Juergen Keller 0x2B | ~0x2B (Hamlet)

Re: OT: The perfect programmer Message #11 Posted by George Bailey (Bedford Falls) on 25 June 2008, 2:24 a.m., in response to message #9 by Juergen Keller "Face down, nine-edge first. ;-) [Alternative ending] And the last bug in sight, An ant passing by, Saluted his tombstone, And whispered, "Nice try." Edited: 25 June 2008, 2:24 a.m.

Re: OT: The perfect programmer Message #12 Posted by Paul Brogger on 26 June 2008, 12:11 p.m., in response to message #11 by George Bailey (Bedford Falls) Quote: Face down, nine-edge first I don't get it. (Would someone please explain?)

Re: OT: The perfect programmer Message #13 Posted by Donald Williams on 26 June 2008, 12:31 p.m., in response to message #12 by Paul Brogger "face down, nine edge first" is how you insert cards into a card reader Edited: 26 June 2008, 12:32 p.m.

Re: OT: The perfect programmer Message #14 Posted by Paul Brogger on 27 June 2008, 10:51 a.m., in response to message #13 by Donald Williams Thanks for that. I actually worked with cards way back on an IBM mainframe at Boeing. Coming from the academic environment's time-share system (on an HP-1000, I believe), it was quite a shock. What was nice was the solid, physical manifestation to be gained of one's work. You could pull together different subroutines (stacks bound with rubber bands) and create a new whole, all "by hand" -- programming had that much more of a traditional "craft" feel about it than mere magnetically-encoded bits & bytes out somewhere in storage. (This is not to say that I want to return to using cards, however . . . )

Some comments about programmers Message #15 Posted by Palmer O. Hanson, Jr. on 25 June 2008, 10:29 a.m., in response to message #1 by Mike Reed In the olden days I was a systems engineer. We had some less than complimentary thoughts about programmers. We always believed that the programmers inserted "hero glitches" into their programs. When the systems didn't operate the properly the programmers could amaze the management with the speed with which they could find the "glitches". Of course, there were also a lot, seemingly at times an unlimited number, of unintentional glitches. I was known among the programmers for expostulating "Hanson's Law" immediately after the correction of the latest "glitch"; namely "In a program of any significant size there is always one more "glitch". They just get harder to find. So, keep looking for them!"

Re: Some comments about programmers Message #16 Posted by mjcohen on 26 June 2008, 5:00 p.m., in response to message #15 by Palmer O. Hanson, Jr. Two of my favorites: Anything that is available is obsolete. Never write anything twice.

Re: WAY OT: programmer's sayings Message #17 Posted by BruceH on 26 June 2008, 7:40 p.m., in response to message #1 by Mike Reed Object oriented programmers only need two methods: create and scoop-up.

Re: WAY OT: programmer's sayings Message #18 Posted by John Limpert on 8 July 2008, 4:11 a.m., in response to message #1 by Mike Reed If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.

Re: WAY OT: programmer's sayings Message #19 Posted by Jeff Kearns on 8 July 2008, 6:57 a.m., in response to message #18 by John Limpert Brook's Law: Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.

Re: WAY OT: programmer's sayings Message #20 Posted by Paul Brogger on 9 July 2008, 12:33 p.m., in response to message #1 by Mike Reed Oooh! I remembered another (though it's not necessarily specific to programming): Quote: If we'd wanted it tomorrow, we'd have asked for it tomorrow.

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