The Museum of HP Calculators

HP Forum Archive 07

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Direction of HP Calc Div - New Products
Message #1 Posted by Clem on 6 Dec 2001, 11:18 p.m.

What has happened to HP calculators. At one time, I was as proud of my 41 and 12 as any biker is of his Harley Davidson. Now HP is producing a cheap calculator (the 6) in China and the 49 with much less documentation and support than it provided for its prior top of the line calculators. Does anyone know of any new products? In what direction is the company moving?

      
Re: Direction of HP Calc Div - New Products
Message #2 Posted by Mr. Guaca Mole, (HP insider) on 7 Dec 2001, 2:34 a.m.,
in response to message #1 by Clem

*** INTERNAL DISTRIBUTION ONLY ***

Embedded and Personal Systems Product Introductions for 2002

Report from Calculator Team:

We appreciate the confidence you've shown as we reorganize the office. (The plants are really lifelike, but they are silk, so they don't need watering, but thanks to all those who wanted to help.)

We're working quickly to create a splash in 2002. Our R&D budget for this year was well-spent on that wild trip to Hong Kong. We are bringing out many new products we found, fortifying our reputation in the industry as innovators.

So here they are:

* Ravecalc: basically a 6s translucent calculator with a compartment to hold a Cyalume-type light-stick. The calculator then glows as if it were radioactive. This ought to be really popular amongst those in our target demographic, and in Idaho.

* Squeezecalc: an extension of technology developed for our keyboards, this new product features a whole calculator body made completely of molded urethane. It's all squishy, and you could drive over it like a roadkill possum and it will return to its original shape without cracking. The perfect calculator for those overloaded book-bags.

* Hobbitulator: licensed product to ride the wave of the biggest movie sensation to hit since "Pearl Harbor". A learning tool, this machine hides the answers of calculations, and invites the user to input a guess. Digitized sound FX will praise or goad the user on to the correct result, my preciousssssss.

(We are still working on this one. Early market testing showed strong negative reactions in certain communities-- but the early prototype we acquired for test had been pre-programmed with the voice of "Jar-Jar Binks". Hobbitization is proceeding on schedule for next test.)

* 12c-II: not forgetting that still-lucrative business market, we are in negotiations to produce a limited-edition 12c-II by revamping the venerable 12c with the Onstar(tm) system. A button on the calculator will connect the user with a live operator via satellite, who can remind the executive where he has parked his car. The ultimate status-symbol, for this product we are looking to extend our distribution channel to Sharper Image and selected GM dealerships. Also investigating the addition of bright-gold trim "Escalade"-type accents.

Though some may criticize our decision to have outsourced all of this on short notice, we are merely inventing a new way of working. We are aware that a lot of this stuff even Casio has not yet dared to market. But radical ideas are not bad ideas. In the spirit of sharing these ideas, we can work together to change the world.

<< attention: the Calculator Team will not be in the office during the weeks of Dec. 18th-Jan.6th, as I've got a lot of late shopping to do and two orthodontic appointments to keep, and of course the holidays. See the rest of you all at the party! >>

-------------------------------

P.S.-- This was a PARODY. Don't send this out to the newsgroups, they'll only wet themselves unnecessarily. Repeat: this was a PARODY.

-- G.Mole.

            
Re: Direction of HP Calc Div - New Products
Message #3 Posted by Vieira, Luiz C. (Brazil) on 7 Dec 2001, 6:55 a.m.,
in response to message #2 by Mr. Guaca Mole, (HP insider)

Hi;

sometimes (mostly!) laughing is important, so life flows easier. Mr. Guaca Mole, I'm sorry not inviting you and your 'crew' for a Brazilian coffee, but I'm much disappointed with the new directions. None of these freaks will be part of my HP family.

What worries me is that, at least as long as we can try to, it's somewhat hard to see a future. A couple of decades ago, many (maybe all) of us were sure the new HewPack products would be better the previous, existing ones. I have been sharing ideas with others in here, and I'm sure HewPack staff has something in mind. Why can't they share with us? Let us know what you want to do. HewPack does not BELONG to us, nor to them, but I would accept to go for another brand if they (HewPack staff) signalize they are getting off calc business. If RPN is not an option, let's try TI, Casio or others. I cannot understand leaving a place that's been conquered with substantial competence, professionalism, trust, commitment and consumer care. It's like building AND deserving an empire just to leave it to the 'enemy'. I sincerely cannot understand.

Mr. Guaca Mole, thanks letting us know you don't know.

Cheers. (no parody included)


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